time to be honest

I've tried to stay cheerful and positive in this blog. I want you to feel that with enough determination, you can get yourself somewhere great too, you can better your life. But let's be honest for a moment: it is NOT easy, it is not as positive as I make it out to be. You have to work hard and sometimes, like I am right now, you will feel stuck. This is when you have to look at your life and see what you can change. There always has to be someway to improve it, even if it is not as obvious right away as you think.

Today, I had a conversation with a friend, I needed to vent and she gave me a lot of encouragement. She pointed out that many in my situation, as a single mother, can't say they've done half the things I have done. She told me an example of one of her employees who isn't even trying. My friend called me a saint. I laughed and told her that maybe I am handling my life better than most, but I'm not a saint and right now, I've hit my limit and something has to give.

So here is where I am: I'm constantly crying, stressed to the max, I'm having issues just taking care of my own basic needs. I put emphasis on the fact I said my own: my son's needs are being met. His karate classes are paid in full up till March, we had a wonderful night out at his school's family bowling night, we're ready for Halloween, he is healthy and has a full tummy, he has clean clothes that fit and new sneakers that he is learning to tie laces on (well, he knows how, just needs to practice a bit more), he does his homework on time and is a very happy child. yes, he still needs a counselor for his other issues that I mentioned previously, and as soon as MassHealth stops dicking us around, he will be going to see one. But as for me, I can barely function. I'm constantly stuck without a sitter, my mountain of homework reaches higher than Mt. Everest, my son's tempers are not helping (though I don't blame him for anything, I just hope counseling helps him), I want to scream and I can't, I feel like I'm losing my mind. So I know something needs to give because I can't continue this way. Yes, to whatever person is reading this, I'm giving you my honest to heart feelings, just laying it out for you. 

Making a decision to better your life is not easy, there is no short cut, there is no quick fix, you have to work for it. You will hit bumps in the road and want to quit. Stay focused on your goals, keep pushing through, re-evaluate the situation and think of ways to improve it. Cry. Scream. Throw a fit. Go for a run. Whatever you have to do to get yourself through it without causing yourself or anyone else physical harm. Don't turn to drugs and alcohol to make it easier, in the end, they'll make it harder. Remember none of it is easy, but it is possible. You deserve to have a great life, now get it.

Not always sugar and sweet

I guess I make things sound pretty simple sometimes. I work, go to school, raise my son, spend time with my boyfriend, normal household chores (which thankfully, this isn't my house so I don't have to do everything, but I do have to do somethings) and still some how manage time with friends. This is easy right? Not! There are still sicknesses that pop up (my poor baby), disagreements with friends when I get so aggitated from it all and then say the wrong thing, schedule issues, lack of baby sitters, lack of any free time to just do nothing. Right now, we're dealing with issues with my son. He's been badly acting out just about every day. This is the first morning since school started that we didn't have a problem. And I think that was only because we over slept so he didn't have time to think about a tantrum since I was rushing him to get ready to so much. I plan on calling the school today though and speak to the guidance counselour to see if William can take some time to talk to her. I get the feeling that William is angry and frustrated with something, but as he is not telling us what it is, we don't really know what to do. I'm hoping that talking to someone else that is not his dad, my boyfriend or me might help. But anyway, I have to rush off to school now. Hope you all have a blessed day!

ACCEPTED!!

So, I just got the e-mail today about my student teaching application. Please recall in my previous post I mentioned my kind of low GPA for the program. Well, because of that, I was only conditionally accepted pending I get my GPA up after this semester. Which, by the way, I plan on doing just that! This is exciting to me! It means the end truly is in site, I can see it, I can almost touch it, all this BS is almost done. While, I don't actually consider school to be a bunch of BS it is stressful, it is hard work, it's not easy and you have to really want that degree and that career to be able to make it through it. And damnit, I want that degree! I want my career! Anyway, I spent enough time on the computer. Much love to you all! Now, I'm off to school to get my kick ass grades!